How to Apologize to Your Girlfriend – Get Back in Her Good Graces
The funny thing about adult romantic relationships is that there isn’t a specific manual that you can flip open and go, Ah! Relationships can be difficult, and we’re here to explain how to apologize to your girlfriend after messing up. You can attribute this to human individuality and uniqueness, but we’ve got you covered regardless.
Conflict is a natural aspect between couples; you shouldn’t be afraid of it. It can actually help us understand what we and others around us are sensitive about and what is the root cause of such hurt.
Thankfully, apologies are a good way to begin making amends for any hurt you’ve caused your girlfriend, and if we’re being honest, no woman will turn down a sweet, sincere apology. You might have to sweeten the pot depending on what you did, and we can teach you how!
But before that, let’s understand the logic behind apologies.
Why Do We Apologize?
When fights break out, we often neglect to understand why an apology matters and don’t really process the situation. This is usually why some people wait for the situation to fizzle out while others ruminate about bad behavior and not receiving an apology. This minimizes the chances of forgiveness and can lead to a build-up of resentment.
This also depends on the degree of harm – conscious or unconscious – done toward the other. For instance, a simple apology could deal with minor arguments or minor offenses. But for something serious like breaches of trust, that could cause trust issues in the relationship, you’d have to be more careful and more sincere.
We apologize for a multitude of reasons. Because we don’t want the conflict to persist, to clear out the atmosphere, because we are truly apologetic because our partner is hurt, and apologies are the first step to fixing things.
And most importantly
we apologize as an acknowledgment of responsibility, a desire to make amends, and being in sync with our partner’s feelings.
Often, we see people talking about “crazy ex-girlfriends” or how their current girlfriend is some level of unreasonable when going behind the scenes, revealing how little the boyfriend cared about fixing things or how a series of bad apologies just worsened situations.
Some men often blame their girlfriends for awful behavior, which is usually a result of pent-up frustration and potential grudges that evolved from a sense of perceived injustice.
By no means does this apply to a situation where your girlfriend was severely unreasonable, or abusive – in which case please maintain contact with friends and family – but apart from extreme cases, heartfelt apologies can go a long way.
Unfortunately, many men feel their masculinity or position in the relationship will suffer if they apologize to their girlfriends. This has to do with toxic masculine ideals of what it is to be a man and how relationships work.
Trust us when we say that healthy relationships do not include imbalances in power, even if you assume a protective, caretaker role. In fact, a genuine apology could be the key to opening channels of communication between you and your girlfriend, and we’ll tell you exactly how in a bit.
The point is you really need to set aside any hurt pride and examine if the situation warrants an apology and what kind. Sometimes, a quick, effective apology can brush away the hurt and diffuse the situation. As we mentioned above, it’s best not to wait too long!
How to Apologize to Your Girlfriend
Let’s dive into all the ways you can apologize.
Verbal Apology
Make it fast and sincere, and follow up through your actions. It’s best to make this apology in person. Yes, some people have been to deliver an apology in email or SMS, but we’ll talk about this later.
If you’re in a position to fix things, do them as soon as possible, especially if your girlfriend is present in the same space. However, it is best to ruminate a little before this, so you can come up with an honest apology, and not just a hasty, “Sorry, let’s move on from this because I have better things to do with my life.”
Even if you don’t phrase it like that, your choice of words, tone, and a blase attitude could convey this meaning. Make sure to take complete responsibility, reflect on your actions, and how you intend not to make a habit of this.
One crucial thing to remember is to avoid the word “if.”
“I’m sorry if I made you feel this way.”
“I’m sorry if I caused you harm.”
This looks like you’re not sure if your girlfriend is hurt, or worse; you don’t care to acknowledge it. Instead, acknowledge what you did wrong, give her space, and let her know you’re actually remorseful.
Written Apology
Depending on the situation, you could write a sweet little note for her and slip it under the door if she has removed herself from the space. Just don’t overdo it because you need to respect that she needs time away.
You could also write a cute email if the fight happened online or by text. Add a few cute gifs – cats always work – and maybe set up an appointment to see her.
This is also where you can work some real magic by adding in a poem – and you don’t need iambic pentameter. In fact, if she loves you, she’ll probably find a badly written poem cute too, which is not to say write bad poetry. You could add a comedic twist to make her anger dissipate.
Invite her to a planned date through this email, which brings us to our next point.
Take Her Out
Show her a good time as an apology. This could involve taking her out to a nice cozy restaurant with really good food – you don’t want bad food on top of everything else – or an amusement park. The location and activities you choose are mainly contingent on if she’s already forgiven you for the most part.
Going out for a fun day together is more of a post-apology move to really move on. It’s not the primary apology move.
You could do a lot of fun things. Take an art class together if she’s artsy and both of you have the patience. An intimate activity could be making a clay pot together at a pottery class. And in the category of learning something together exist a lot of other things; cooking, dancing, and activities that require you to be a team, so it feels like us vs. them, not me vs. you.
You can also send her flowers, chocolates, comfort foods, or something she wouldn’t get for herself.
Final Thoughts
The point of an apology is to actually be remorseful and express it as sincerely as you can. Discovering how to apologize to your girlfriend won’t be difficult as long as it is sincere. Make sure you’re listening to what your girlfriend is saying and taking steps to ensure something similar doesn’t happen in the future.
Commit to strengthening the relationship through open communications and repairing any broken trust. Apologies are not just a way to make amends but also to learn more about yourself and your girlfriend, so be sure to think about them more.
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