Every couple relationship has its ups and downs; however, the importance lies in how couples face these problems. Mature couples, for example, will look for solutions and properly discuss issues without judgment.
On the other hand, if you find your partner getting upset over unimportant things, defensive, and uncompromising, then you have an immature partner. Among other thoughts and actions, your partner does that seem childish, it will leave you feeling frustrated. Emotional maturity requires the ability to process emotions and communicate with a great understanding of yourself and your partner. A lack of empathy will not allow you and your partner the ability to connect and understand each other’s points of view.
Partners need to learn selflessness, otherwise, it will take a heavy toll on your relationship. Maturity happens with time and maybe learned at different rates. What you can do is discuss how certain actions do impacts the relationship, you want to stick together, but negative behaviors need to stop. You can model emotional maturity by showing what effective connecting looks like and expressing positive feelings.
When you are in an immature relationship, you do not feel the happiness of being pleased with your partner, because you will always lack something. You want to be more loving and your focus would be on making romantic gestures. In a mature relationship, however, you feel satisfied by everything your partner provides you with and with the time you two share. Couples therapy can help the two of you navigate through murky waters.
Below are some examples that could contribute to your partner’s immaturity.
Childish Selfishness vs. Selflessness
When the “honeymoon phase” ends, reality sets in. You start realizing that the two of you are two different people. You are going to have differences. There might even be major differences that you cannot seem to overlook. However, If the two of you are set on staying together, then you are going to have to learn how to face problems together. Settle on finding mutual decisions or agree to disagree. This is easier said than done and will take time, but it is not impossible. A lot of couples learned over time how to do this effectively together, which shows a mature bonding.
Holding on to old baggage
Your partner’s past life may be part of the blame. Past trauma or pain can affect your partner’s ability to trust, be open, and compromise. They may be subconsciously fighting against triggers they are afraid can bring pain. Whether it is all in their head or not, the fundamental thing to do is not judge them for it. Therapy should be encouraged to help them process the past and how it might be affecting their relationship with you. In mature relationships, couples help each other overcome. Awareness and change are needed, otherwise, it will eventually chip away at the relationship.
Feelings of Doubt
It is not the best emotion to feel in a relationship, but the response can be completely normal. Doubt is triggered by stress when our mind is trying to find solutions to new challenges. It can happen when you or your partner is wondering about the longevity of the relationship and whether either of you sees a future in it. It becomes a problem when your partner is not communicating with you to allow the two of you to resolve it.
Too High of Expectations
Having expectations that do not align with your partner will become harmful. A good relationship needs patience, trust, and acceptance. Expectations that you or your partner feels obligated to meet, but cannot, will make each other feel let down. Your relationship should encompass goals, wants, and desires that are in alignment with shared values and woven in.
Focused on Flaws
Everyone has them. Are you or your partner focusing too much on them or are the flaws serious? Look at the flaws from a practical mindset and acknowledge your own. If it is nothing serious, ask yourself why these flaws bother you so much and consider solutions that can help you overlook them. If the flaws are serious and not aligned with your values, then perhaps you should reconsider the relationship.
Seek couples counseling if it is needed. The good news is that you are not alone and many couples have experienced this rough patch in their relationship. When the feelings are genuine, you learn to live and accept one another. The two of you will go through ups and downs, Immatubut the trick is can you go through this maturely and in love?
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