Is Keeping Secrets in a Relationship a Big Mistake

Is Keeping Secrets in a Relationship a bad thing?


Picture provided by Kristina Flour Via Unsplash


Is keeping secrets in a relationship bad?  Well, actually, it depends on the type of secret you are keeping.

Some secrets, like a surprise birthday party, dinner, or gift that you’re planning can be good for your relationship because it helps to keep things fresh and interesting.

But if there are secrets you or your partner is keeping that can hurt you or someone else, then of course it is never good. To think that it is only a white lie and cannot possibly hurt anyone is deceptive and selfish. We all know that these “little white lies” can turn into something neither one of you were intending. Therefore you should not do it. Keep reading below on why.


Is Honesty Always The Best Policy?

What about other common secrets like a dream you had, some naughty thoughts you might have momentarily entertained, or some feelings you might have towards certain things your partner does? Most people do keep some of these things mum to avoid hurting anyone.  Or maybe there are some things they don’t want to share and, hey, that’s ok.

When you get married and share a life with someone, you still remain that individual person you have always been. You also need a little bit of privacy for yourself where you can think and feel things that no one else needs to know about.

This may come as a surprise for die-hard romantics, but sharing every little emotion, thought and activity with your partner can be harmful. It undermines mystery and everything that might be interesting about you.

Besides, some of the things we dream, think, and feel can end up hurting our partners even though this might have never been an intention. A good example is sharing all the feelings you might have about your mother-in-law. Constantly sharing your distaste for someone your partner loves can wreak quite a lot of havoc in your relationship.

What Secrets Should You Be Sharing?

On the other hand, keeping some secrets can put your relationship in jeopardy. It’s sometimes hard to tell which secrets to share and which things to keep to yourself. A good way to find out if you should share a secret is by checking your own physical responses.

Is your secret causing your blood pressure to increase? Do you find yourself blinking faster, your hands sweating, and your heart pounding when you think of this particular secret? Or is the major secret making your gut clench with guilt?

These physical responses all show you that you’re keeping a secret out of fear of what your partner might think or do and not because it might be better for them or for your intimate relationship.

These are the damaging secrets that you should really think about sharing because staying quiet can hurt your current relationship.


The Effects of Keeping Secrets in a Relationship

Keeping some secrets is bad for your emotional wellbeing. The burdens of secrecy can cause the following negative outcomes:

Tons of stress

Constantly worrying that someone might reveal your secret isn’t good for your health or your relationship at all. It will eventually have a huge emotional impact on your mental health.


If the secret is revealed by some other means, your partner’s trust in you will be destroyed. Trust isn’t something that’s easy to rebuild.

More deception

Your secret might require further lying and other forms of betrayal just to keep it under wraps.


Difficult secrets have a tendency to make us feel guilty. This guilt will only continue to fester and grow until you can no longer act normally around your partner.


Partners who keep secrets usually become paranoid. There’s always that little nagging fear in the back of your mind that your partner knows about the secret. Conversely, the worry about what secrets your partner might be keeping from you also eliminates your own sense of security in your relationship.


Sharing Can Be a Breath of Fresh Air

If your secret is killing you, then it is time to take a deep breath, open up, and share. It’s better to get it all out in the open than to risk your relationship and your love.

Seek help from a relationship expert if you need help with handling not only subjects like keeping secrets in a relationship, but others, as well. That way, you can get the best outcome for your situation or build a good-quality relationship that can stand the test of time.


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