Violence is the willful act often a pattern that is used by a partner in an intimate relationship to institute control and power over someone by means of verbal, emotional, sexual, and or physical abuse. Violence can be experienced in a dating relationship, within the family, or in marriage, and regardless of age – it is against the law.
It is against the law for anyone to:
- Hurt you or try to hurt you
- Force you sexually into submission to their will
- Threaten you
- Harass you
- Stalk you
- Destroy things that belong to you
- Verbal, Emotional, Mental, and Financial
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call 911 and get help immediately. You can also call 1-800-799-7233, Text “START” to 88788, Live Chat, and speak to someone today for support. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service.
Having said that, I want to go into a bit more detail about the many forms of abuse in an unhealthy relationship. When a person puts you down, insults you, calls you names, or humiliates you, then it is abusive.
When someone threatens to harm you or your family, friends, pets, etc, that is abuse. Controlling all the money, excessive gift-giving to make up for abusive behavior, Sabotaging a partner’s work, school, or career by doing and saying things that will cause them to get fired.
Controlling their possessions by taking their phone, car, or withholding clothes or jewelry are forms of abuse.
Minimizing problems, denying abusive behavior, blaming you for the reason for abuse, possessiveness and constant accusations of cheating are all calls for concern in the relationship that needs to be re-examined and looked at.
Physical and sexual abuse like:
- Hitting, grabbing, pushing, shaking
- Intimidation like blocking, hitting things, and throwing objects
- Using weapons or threatening to use them
- Using pressure or force for sex through manipulation, coercion, or
- physical strength
- Rape (forced penetration)
- Sexual Assault (forced contact)
- Sexual Harassment (unwanted sexual attention)
A person who has not been conditioned to think that this type of behavior is acceptable would question as to why someone would stay in a violent and abusive relationship?
Well, there are many answers to this question. Sometimes it is the financial dependence, sometimes the social pressure and taboos attached to walking out of a relationship.
Often the reasons are more emotional like fearing what the violent partner would do or not wanting to leave the relationship because of love and only hoping that the violence would end soon. Then of course there is an emotional attachment to the individual and being desensitized to the negative behavior. Here’s how you can deal with a violent relationship.
Stop being in denial
Denial of violence will only prolong your journey of abandoning a relationship that is detrimental to your health and peace of mind. The most important thing to do is to accept the very fact that it is violence and there is no sugar-coating it.
Do not confuse violence for love or minimize the issue with excuses on how this person is good in other areas to make up for everything else. The sooner you accept that is not OK and take the steps to receive help, the stronger you will be to deal with it. Prolonging the help only prolongs the suffering.
We live in a world full of hopeless romantics who tend to find refuge in “what could be” instead of believing in a reality that lies right in front of us. Every time we suffer a blow in a relationship, it breaks us.
But we can go on to find hope in a distant future where everything changes for the better as soon as we let go of someone who is not what we thought should be. That person has no right to hurt or humiliate you. A person who doesn’t respect you can never love you enough.
Seek Help from Family and Friends
The one thing that a violent person aims to do first is to isolate the victim. They use tactics like intimidation or faking guilt to keep the sufferer from mentioning any of it to their family and friends. If you are at the suffering end, please do not hesitate in reaching out to your family or friends.
There is a reason why we all have these relationships in life. Do not let yourself fall into the trap of doubt and shame of what they would think about you. Just be assured that your family and friends loved you before you were even in this relationship and they will love you after this relationship too.
Draw your strength from your other relationships.
Whatever a person’s reason may be for living with a violent relationship, they need to know that saving themselves is possible. There is no shame in admitting that your relationship was violent and you stood up for yourself because there is nothing more valuable in this world than your self-esteem and respect.
Take a Stand for Yourself
The person we ignore the most is our very own self. Be strong in courage to give yourself a fighting chance to pursue the things you were put on this earth to be. Love yourself enough for that even if you feel you don’t know how to. Start with the little things that make you so special and surround yourself with positive people who can uplift you and push you in a positive direction.
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