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Dealing with a breakup

A breakup can be a painful experience. It can make us question our self-worth while replaying what could have gone wrong repeatedly in our heads. We might blame ourselves or sink into intense feelings of anger. It can make us wonder if there is something wrong. All these, plus the associated feelings, might turn a breakup into a source of pain. However, it can also be a source of resilience.

There are lessons to be learned from a breakup like

1. You know who you are and what you stand for
2. You know what you want and need
3. Happiness and validation come from within you
4. There is nothing wrong with being single – You may even enjoy it!
5. Sometimes love is not enough
6. There is a reason for everything and you are ok with that

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It is hard to treat a breakup as a learning opportunity while we are grieving. We might be quite rightfully upset with anyone who tries to suggest it, ignoring our pain. Once we have had a bit of time, this perspective can be empowering and provide us with a better idea both of who we are and what we need in a relationship.

First, a breakup can show us who we are when we are on our own. What do we want? Do we limit ourselves? What happens when we gain more freedom? Understanding ourselves can be liberating, especially if we have been in a relationship throughout most lives. After a breakup, we might need to consider our values and goals.

It can also help us clarify a lot of things about our relationships. What are our limits? What are the things we most want and won’t stand for? What items can I improve in myself, and what can I look for in others?

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A breakup can be a time of crisis but also a time for positive change. If we cultivate our ability to be resilient, we can make it into a new opportunity. A problem is rarely pleasant, but it can put us in a situation where we can grow. It is especially true of something like a painful and challenging breakup. Still, it often gives us more self-reflection opportunities than other life events that put us in dire circumstances.

We can now recognize our inner strength and see that we can survive the breakup and cope with the things life throws at us. We tend to overestimate the negative (and positive) impact different situations will have on us. For many, a breakup can feel like something devastating, and unable to cope. In reality, most people grieve for the relationship and move on. It can be an empowering experience to see how we manage to overcome something we felt was beyond us.

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Overall, breakups can be hard and we need to give ourselves the time to grieve. So, take all the time you need and think about the lessons you have learned from it (when you are ready). No relationship should be thought of as a waste of time (even if the person did waste your time).

Because you can take the time to rediscover who you are and what you want from this moment on.
Despite the sadness, soon you will be able to look back and see that everything happened for a reason.

Just give yourself some time. Once the pain is less sharp, we might find a lot of positives in trying to find the opportunities and learning experiences it can give us.

Like any crisis, it can make us stronger and allow us to understand better who we are and what we want.

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