what not to do after a breakup

Healing a Broken Heart

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup
Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup

Breaking up is a painful experience for anybody that’s truly in love. There are no easy ways to handle it, no matter how emotionally strong you are. However, while the things to do during this period are more popular, people are often unaware of what not to do after a breakup.

Due to their sadness, anger, and heartbreak, they tend to make emotional rather than rational decisions. These decisions don’t only come back to haunt them. It makes their situation far worse. They may lose themselves to solitude or an incessant urge for closure.

That’s why it is crucial to know things to avoid after a breakup for the sake of emotional stability and mental health. So if you’ve just had a hard breakup and you’re wondering about the common traps that set new singles back in their emotional recovery, this post is for you.

Here, you’ll discover how to heal a broken heart by avoiding things to not do after a breakup. We’ll also show you why it is difficult to move on after breaking up and how long it takes to move on.

What Not to Do After a Breakup – 10 Regrettable Actions

While it is helpful to know things to do after a breakup, it is equally important to know things not to do. The following are things you should avoid immediately after a breakup:

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup
Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup. Image provided by Ayo Ogunseinde via Unsplash

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup


Pretending Everything is Fine

People let out their emotions differently after a breakup. Some people cry so much, while others get sad throughout their day. While none of this is healthy, pretending everything is fine is even worse.

This pretense will keep you in a state of denial, which may degenerate into self-deception of your reality. So the first thing you should avoid during this period is pretending you’re fine or everything is okay. Acknowledge you’re feeling pain because it will help you to be more compassionate with yourself.

Actively Seeking Out Your Ex

Whether you initiated the breakup or otherwise, you’ll most likely feel a huge sense of loss immediately after. You’ll feel so lonely and tempted to reach out to your ex, but that wouldn’t ease the situation. It’ll rather make things worse for you.

So no matter how difficult it may seem, you shouldn’t seek out your ex for momentary closure. It’ll be an impulsive and regrettable move you’ll wish you avoided in the long run.

While you may have depended on the other person for closure in the past, you may need to become independent for your recovery.

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup
Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup. Image provided by Mika Baumeister via Unsplash.

Social Media Stalking and Rampage

Moving on in this social media age is even more difficult than ever. You may run into their page and be tempted to stalk them to see how they are doing. Learning they’ve moved on with life will add to the pain you already feel.

You may even feel the need to express yourself by broadcasting the breakup, but this may go out of hand. That’s why social media stalking or rampage are crucial things not to do after a breakup. It’s best to delete the other person’s profile to prevent yourself from wandering from your feeds into their pages.

Trying to be Friends with your Ex

Setting strong boundaries just to remain friends with your ex may not be enough. It may cause you to make a bad decision or even make it difficult for you to move on. So it’s best to avoid remaining friends with the other person after the breakup.

Don’t even leave a room for communication open. It’ll only cause you more pain hoping the other person may reach out. As harsh as it might be, it’s best to cut all ties with them until you’re fully recovered and able to handle basic communication with them.

Self-isolation and Lack of Social Life

Deciding to be alone after a breakup is okay. What’s not okay is isolating yourself from social engagements. You won’t get positive feelings or value from staying away from your friends. You’ll only intensify your feeling of loss and desire for the other person’s presence.

So, resume your social life at your own pace. Nobody expects you to be a full-on social butterfly after your breakup. What they expect is to know you’re recovering from your grief, so reward their compassion with your presence.

Turning to Substances for Distraction or Support

There is no harm in having a cocktail or two. However, relying on it as a coping mechanism for your breakup is only adding fuel to the fire. You’ll be creating another problem you’ll struggle to deal with at the end of the day.

Instead of turning to substances, you can explore healthy ways to access support or distraction after a breakup. You’ll get more value towards recovering by doing this instead of turning to substances.

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup
Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup .Image provided by Tracy Adams via Unsplash

Closing Yourself Off

Closing yourself off is a good strategy to explore during your healing process. But this should be done within a short period after the breakup. But shutting yourself off completely would deprive you of the progress and happiness you’ve worked so hard to get despite the breakup.

So don’t close yourself off because you have suffered a breakup.

Getting Back Into the Dating Pool Immediately After the Breakup

having a rebound relationship is a regrettable action after a breakup. You don’t need a dating coach or dating app at this point. What you need is to focus more on yourself rather than trying to bring somebody new into your life. You should give yourself the time and space to heal fully.

Don’t even try to be with another person to create an impression you’ve moved on or to make your ex jealous. After a breakup, reconnecting with yourself as an individual should be done without immediate romantic commitment to another person.

Idealizing The Other Person

It’s possible to think your ex was the best thing to ever happen to you in your life. But the truth is, there’ll a greater person will come into your life.

Hyper-focusing on the best qualities they showed while leaving out the worst will only reinforce the biased belief that you won’t meet someone better. So it’s better to avoid idealizing your ex after breaking up.

Clinging on to their Stuff

People that are in love typically exchange and leave things at each other’s places. The fact that several memories are attached to these things are reasons you must toss them away. Clinging on to them will only bring you more pain than happiness.

Why Is It Difficult to Move on After Breaking Up

Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup
Healing a Broken Heart: What not to Do After a Breakup

Being emotionally and romantically committed to a person is as rewarding as it is risky. You always feel profound happiness when things are going great. But when this commitment is broken, you and the person may experience negative feelings like unending sadness and ruthless pessimism to move on.

Why is it difficult to move on? It’s always difficult to move on because your ex was a big part of your life. So their absence immediately after a breakup is heavily felt, causing you to long for them.

This may also be because you didn’t discuss the reasons for breaking up, and that leaves you with constant thoughts about what went wrong. It may also be because, due to the immediate hurt of breaking up, you have done things you should have avoided as we mentioned above. So this prevents you from moving on shortly after the breakup.

How Long it Takes to Get Over a Breakup?

The emotional healing after a breakup doesn’t have a specific timeframe. It could take weeks, months, or even years, depending on the relationship and circumstances of the breakup. Moving on after breaking up usually depends on your will and understanding that recovery is a journey that may take a while but is not impossible.

Final Thoughts

A breakup is a difficult experience. That’s why it’s dreadful for those in a relationship and those that aren’t. However, Loving and respecting yourself while prioritizing quality emotional health are keys to timely recovery after breaking up.

They are also the keys that’ll prevent you from what not to do after a breakup.

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